Things People Say to Adoptive Parents

Before bringing Jordan home from China I was forewarned that people would say funny and/or sometimes rude or surprising comments to us.

I have been flabbergasted. I’ve never been angry at their comments, as I know they (usually) mean well and don’t know “how” to ask certain things. Some adoptive parents get extremely upset with certain statements. Not me. I learned from Dear Abby over the last 4 decades that there is always the opportunity to respond, “MYOB” when necessary.

However, I receive an unbelievable volume of head-scratchers. Some of the comments are just hilarious. This phenomenon is also true for my friends in the Chinese adoption community.

Jordan and I have a large circle (village, if you’ll pardon the term) of friends we have met from our local ‘Chinese adoption community’. The children are girls from China with good ole U.S. of A. born parents. Many of the girls are also from a single mom family like Jordan. They pretty much all live within 5 miles of our house. Our lives are enriched regularly with the many play groups, Kindermusik, football parties, Olympics watching events, birthdays and playground experiences shared by all the girls.

So, I gathered their input and thought I’d share some of these honest-to-goodness conversation starters. I am sure with a multi-cultural family of US/China/Viet Nam – the questions (and hopefully answers) will become even stranger in the months to come! If you have some suggestions for snappy “Here’s your sign” comebacks for me, I welcome your input!

1) Who is her real mother?

(Hmmm. Well, the US government and China both agree that I am.)

2) Is she yours?

(So far she is, but she isn’t a teenager yet).

3) Is that your grand-daughter?

(Nope. She is my daughter, I just look really old for my age.)

4) Are you the nanny?

(Among many other roles, yes.)

5) Does she speak Chinese?

(Hmm. Well, she is (was) just 10 months old, so she doesn’t speak anything yet.)

6) If you don’t know Chinese, when she starts talking, who will understand her?

(I still don’t know how to answer this one, and I have been asked it several times!)

7) Is her father Chinese?

(She doesn’t have a father. I am not married.)

8) What a kind and generous thing you did by adopting her!

(Well, that’s sweet that you think I am such an angel. However, the reason I adopted Jordan is because I wanted a child. So, now that I’ve said this, you think I’m a selfish pig, don’t you?)

9) Are you going to tell her that she is adopted?

(Well, I don’t want anyone else telling her. We look so much alike. If I wasn’t going to tell her, why should I tell you?)

10) Aren’t you afraid that she will inherit some of her real parent’s less desirable traits?

(No. Aren’t you afraid yours has? Hehe)

11) She’s so lucky.

I am so much more the lucky one and I thank the Lord many times a day!

12) How much did you pay for her?

(The tally just keeps going up everyday! is that how it is with your kids too?)