Trip on Hold

Cindy is on her way here from Florida, so we can pack together and head out to Hanoi on Sunday. I just got a phone call from my agency caseworker that the Ministry of Justice in Viet Nam has put our adoption on hold. We don’t know why. It could be a week delay, a month delay or more. We just don’t know yet.

They asked us to not travel and await further instructions.

I think I shared in an earlier post that my sister Cindy has been a great advocate of “the only thing we can control in this process is our attitude”. I don’t know the reasons, or when we’ll get to bring our little boy home, but I am trusting that God has a plan and I trust Him.

Just when you think you've heard it all...

Jordan (the princess) and I took a jaunt out to American Airlines at DFW today. We had to pick up baby Brian's lap ticket, as lap tickets are not electronic and there was not enough time prior to our trip to guarantee snail mail delivery.

Jordan loves airports. She loves to self-service checkin. She almost has enough of her own frequent flyer points for a free ticket. She is three years old.

So, we approach the ticket counter and I let the Customer Service Representative for American know the record locater for the lap ticket. The woman looked at Jordan and then me without accessing her terminal and said, "You're not taking her back - are you?"

"Excuse me?" I asked softly because I didn't want Jordan to hear her and I was rather perplexed. Did I hear her right?

She looked at me with the saddest big ole puppy dog eyes. Then they started welling up with tears. She said, "You are not giving her back - are you?" The poor gal thought my trip to Viet Nam was to take Jordan back there and drop her off somewhere.

I smiled at her, thinking about her true grief and concern, and just said, "Oh no... we are going to adopt her a baby brudder!"

Then she smiled REAL big and could hardly speak through her tears of joy. She was so happy for us.

Wow.

Cleared for take-off...

We received notice this morning that we can travel to Viet Nam! I am so relieved and excited... and very grateful.

We'll leave on Sunday after Thanksgiving. We'll go through Tokyo to Hanoi, and be staying at the Hanoi Grand Somerset Hotel. We haven't been given any dates for the "Giving-Receiving" ceremony yet (that is the formal appointment when baby Brian will be put into my arms).

Here is what will happen when we get there:

Arrive in Viet Nam
Usually a day or two of local orientation
Travel to Bac Ninh Ophanage, Giving and Receiving Ceremony
Passport procedures for baby Brian (couple days)
Medical Exam for the baby
Visa procedures for baby Brian at US Consulate (couple days prep & ceremony)
Return to USA

Our laptop is fully configured for internet access while in Viet Nam, so we'll post and upload pictures along the way.

We are going to have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and then a life-changing adventure! Stay tuned!

P.S. Any lurkers who might be targeting a ransack on my house while we are gone... We have security systems in place, multiple house-sitters, trained killer canines, Smith and Wessons and we live in Texas. I think that covers it.

Fight or Flight?

I would love to report that I am writing from the Admirals Club of the Tokyo Airport, or something like that. Alas, that is not the case.

The woman at our adoption agency who coordinates the travel for prospective adoptive parents, is out on bereavement leave. There are no plans or coordination with the orphanage or the agency staff in Viet Nam who can assist in logistics until she returns - hopefully Monday.

I was told that they hope to have the Giving and Receiving ceremony the week of December 1st. I offered to go ahead and book flights for that scheduled event, but was told that was highly discouraged, as there could be other unknown delays that could push the date further into December.

It would be so easy to let the sympathetic nervous system kick in and begin the "fight" stimulus ("GRRR"), or just get on a plane to Hanoi for the "flight" stimulus (Like Frank - and do it MY way!). It is my nature to make things happen when stalls occur. I always prefer action over inaction.

However, I don't want to jeopardize the adoption process due to my impatience. I now know who to call in the Embassy if I really had to open up that can of 'whoop a**'... but what would it deliver? Anger? Delay? Relationship with the agency? Possible denial of the baby in the adoption process? Not worth it.

The only advice I can heed is to draw upon my 'patience' reserves. I know that the only thing in this whole process that I can control is my own attitude (words of wisdom from adoption #1 - from my sister Cindy!) and I choose to breathe deep and wait it out.

So I don't know when we are traveling, or when we'll have the baby. I shall try to "Be still and know I am God" (Psalm 46:10) as I pray for more patience.

P.S. For translational clarification - I know that I am not God - HE is God. :) I meant that I should try to be still and let God be God. Know and accept that there are some things I can't control. Understand, hombre? (You never know - somebody might think that I was trying to say I was God or something. You'd be amazed.)

Just Past the Stork of Midnite~

Half past midnight on Friday morning, I received THE email notification from the US Embassy in Hanoi. It was my preliminary approval from the I-600 document process and an official notice of travel approval to come to Viet Nam for the baby!

Details:

The I-600 document approval determines if a baby is actually an orphan or “adoptable” by US law. (as defined by section 101(b)(1)(F) of the Immigration and Nationality Act, as amended). Baby Brian’s abandonment was documented by 3 officials and all channels to locate his birth parents were exhausted. The US now agrees with that determination, and the adoption process can proceed.

What I have learned about the steps of I-600 for other Prospective Adoptive Parents (PAPs):

1) The I-600 filing, acknowledgement, investigation and pre-approval was completed by Mary Ann Russell, the Field Office Director at the USCIS, US Consulate General Office in Ho Chi Minh City, Viet Nam.
2) When those steps were completed, this documentation was sent to the Hanoi Adoptions Unit at the US Embassy in Hanoi.
3) That office (Hanoi Adoptions Unit in Hanoi) is the office that sent me the I-600 pre-approval and travel invitation notice via email.

What this means:

Tomorrow our adoption agency will let us know what day we can travel. It is typically less than a week notice. We are ready to go!

Here is a picture of my Chinese American Texan Montgomery Indian Princess eating her Thanksgiving celebration meal at school today. It was an awesome luncheon. We are very thankful!

Lunatic Fringe

Ok, yeah I know... I am obsessing. S'alright - I'm allowed. I'm 10 months virtually pregnant.

It's 11pm pm here in Dallas and that means noon tomorrow Tuesday in Hanoi. Someone has our adoption paperwork sitting on their desk. Their task is to review the referral document and make a determination of "approve" or "investigate further". The terms of baby Brian's abandonment are indisputable. 'Investigate further' has no avenue of exploration.

So, I am waiting for one of our US Embassy employees to stamp "approved" on our documents. They probably know subconsciously that what they do affects lives, but I wonder if they have ever met any of us whose lives are on hold; hearts are on hold...

I know people waiting for their notice that have been years in their wait, already praying for their second or third child. One family lost their referred child through an infant illness and death. Some through bureaucracy. One family is going through a biological miscarriage (not their first) while they pray that their family can be completed through adoption soon - hopefully by Christmas. Their hearts (like ours) are totally vulnerable - waiting for the innocence and purity of their baby to fulfill their deepest desires - some to make them whole, some to fill their purpose in life with substance, and to thank the Lord for the blessing of the privilege to parent a baby.

Jordan and I are so blessed. She is a phenomenal little girl - wise way beyond her years. She is playful, excited about baby Brian, and learning everyday. She said tonight, "I need to put my own pajajmas on because when baby Brian gets here he will need YOUR help". She is going to be an awesome big sister. Today is National Adoption Day - I couldn't be happier. My little girl Jordan is the sweetest little girl I have ever met. I am so lucky. She says she is the lucky one...She told me today, "Mama you are the best Mama in the whole world!" OMG. Heart melting all the day long....


Me, Jordan and Cindy (Aunt Dede) in China - December 2005


We are so eager to complete our family with our baby Brian - my son and her baby brother. He is absolutely sweet and so, so special. He has been in an insititution since his birth-day. I can't wait to bring him HOME. The stroller walks we'll go on, the play time, the coo-ing, the singing, the sweetness that is all baby boy - will be here in just a little while. Wow.

What a gift I have been given...

Who am I to be impatient?

He is on his way - I just pray for solace and comfort during this excrutiating wait. My baby - our little Vietnamese American Texan Montgomery - will be home very soon. Godspeed my son.

Still in a holding pattern for take-off here...

I am a member of a Yahoo Group that includes other families (9 of them) who are also going to be adopting from baby Brian's orphanage. Like me, they have all received pictures of their new son or daughter. They are all in some process of this adoption cycle. I heard once that an elephant's gestation period for child birth is 2 years... I know a lot of my listmates from the Yahoo group feel like this wait has been that long! Judy from our group shared this link (below) with all of us showing pictures from the flooding. Amazing. It puts all of our driving desires for our babies in perspective.

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Vietnam-Floods/ss/events/wl/110308vietnamfloods/im:/081112/ids_photos_wl/r2723899522.jpg/

We received a message from our agency yesterday letting us know that Bac Ninh has put all filings on hold. They did have a 2 week delay due to flooding, but now the hold is because they want all the remaining families to travel at once to adopt their babies. This will be the last group of potential adoptive parents from the United States to adopt from Bac Ninh orphanage. The international adoption program between US-Viet nam expired on September 1. The orphanage will still be processing adoptions to families in Ireland, but until Viet Nam has specific adoption reforms in place, many countries have halted the program.

I did clarify with my adoption agency and putting the remaining adoptions and the filings on hold does NOT affect me. (Praise the Lord and pass the biscuits!) My I-600 has already been filed. I am just waiting the I-600 approval and travel approval from the USCIS at the Embassy. I am on day 10 - and the average wait lately has been 8-14 days. Anyday now...

However, I am so very empathetic and sad for the other families I know who are waiting to go bring their children home though. We all want to be home by the holidays with our little ones! I know these other families won't be far behind us. But it is just a bit maddening to be in the dark about the timeline, what is happening and when the next phase will occur.

So, while we wait, life goes on joyfully. Jordan had a playgroup ice cream gathering last night, and it is just horrible to have to eat ice cream sundaes while the girls play, hehe. I have almost finished Christmas shopping and will be decorating the house for Christmas this weekend. I am usually an early decorator, but even this will top my decorating timeline record! I might even go get my free Kroger Preferred Card turkey and fix a pre-thanksgiving meal tomorrow. I am hoping to be giving thanks from the other side of the International Date Line on Thanksgiving Day!

An Ounce of Prevention...

As the time seems to draaag on to receive our travel notice (in this last step of an indeterminate paper pregnancy process), I am ready to stop the nesting and preparing and just have a baby! :)

In my past, I have had the opportunity to be a Brownie Scout, Junior Girl Scout, Cadette and even a Girl Scout Leader. The Scout motto, “Be Prepared” is perhaps one of the most important quests forever present in my thinking processes. Well, I try anyway...

After learning of rains in Hanoi and the concern about the potential disease outbreaks that could follow these intense floods, I researched more with the WHO and CDC websites on specific preventative medications that we might need before the trip.

My sister Cindy has been diligent about her preparation vaccines, medications and visits to an Infectious Disease specialist. Jordan and I have had our primary care physician appointments. I had a preparatory meeting with our international adoption pediatrician to prepare for issues and discuss medications baby Brian might need while in country.

When we went to China to bring Jordan home, she was very ill. She had an upper respiratory infection that required different medications and 3 times a day breathing treatments. We were glad that our hotel in Guangzhou, China had an in-house medical clinic. Boy, was that a stressful time! I felt woefully inadequate in my early caring for her with these illnesses. BTDT. I want to make sure we are prepared for this trip! Did I say that already?

We have all already completed our Hepatitis A and Hepatitis B series of vaccinations. We have had our tetanus, flu shots, polio vaccines, rabies, measles, mumps, and rubella. Jordan got her varicella (chicken pox) vaccine (my mom assures me I had chicken pox everywhere).

We have packed our regular medications and other recommended preventatives. This list includes: Psyllium, Allergy meds, Elimite (for scabies – we were told most of the babies have scabies so we’ll all be treated for it in country), Ibuprofen, Prilosec, Immodium, Pepto-Bismal, Dramamine, Hydrocortizone cream, anti-bacterial cream, bug spray with at least 30% DEET, sunscreen, A&D ointment, Babylax glycerin suppositories, Baby Tylenol, Baby Oragel. I’ve packed my Epi-pen in case of bee stings. To be extra safe I packed Tamiflu and a Z-Pak in case of the flu or bacterial infections in country.

Yesterday, I had a consultation visit with the Passport Health office (they were great!), and learned even more. (When is enough- enough though?)

Post-flooding, the rains and risk of malaria (skeeter-borne) are greater. Although malaria pre-treatment is optional for Viet Nam, I decided that we should get the medication. Jordan’s dosage is a weekly medication called Lariam, and mine is daily for a week called Malarone.

Although typhoid is another optional vaccine, it is prevalent where food or water is contaminated. Again, the flooding presents additional concerns, so Jordan and I both got Typhoid vaccinations yesterday.

I got scopolamine patches for motion-sickness in addition to the Dramamine I had packed.

The possibility of dengue fever (pronounced, “ˈdeŋ- gā”) transmitted from the daytime Aedes Aegypti mosquito and cholera from contaminated food or water is higher post-flooding. Although there is no vaccine for dengue, the symptoms are headache, joint pain and rash. Since we can’t be pre-treated for this, we have to just be alert for any symptoms.

I was given a prescription for Cipro for traveler’s diarrhea (and used to treat cholera) and will follow the prescribed course of Immodium for first 8 hours, Cipro immediately following (if no change), and medical clinic if fever is present.

I’ve learned that there is no U.S. vaccine available for cholera. Cholera is a food and water borne bacteria that causes extreme diarrhea and if not treated, can lead to death within hours. Although antibiotics (like Cipro) may shorten the course of its duration, the immediate treatment is rehydration.

Melatonin (OTC) for jet lag was recommended. I got some Monistat – in case I have to take and have a reaction to any of the other antibiotics.

So, I think short of a plastic bubble, we have had what we need, we will take preventatives for what might be possible, and we will stay in touch with our physicians via internet. Should any of our traveling galactic medical prescriptions be needed, I will follow a professional’s recommendation for diagnosing and dispensing.

For goodness sakes, we are ready to go already!

Bac Ninh, Hanoi and Viet Nam

The rains have stopped in Hanoi, and the extended forecast looks clear. I am told that the flood water drainage is progressing well. That is good news and I am hopeful to receive our travel approval this week. We could leave as early as Monday, November 17 (a week from today). We are ready to go!

I must admit – and it’s probably not a real good thing either, but my circadian rhythm is in complete disarray. I have already transitioned to Hanoi time (13 hours ahead). My nights are days, and days are night as I wait impatiently for the familiar beep that lets me know I have an incoming email message. I should receive the travel approval email from Hanoi any day now, and their business day is during our normal sleep time. I’ll update the blog with a post as soon as I receive the word!

So - I was refreshing my mental catalogue about the area and travel tips, and thought I’d share some interesting facts…

(Translation help – I know it isn’t perfect, but here’s how I learned to say Bac Ninh: “After I par the front nine, then I will make par on the “back nine” as well.”)

Bac Ninh is the capital city of the Bac Ninh Province – located 30km east of Hanoi. The population of Bac Ninh is 150,331. The word, “Bac Ninh” is derived from Sino-Vietnamese meaning “northern serenity”. It is in the Red River Delta region of northern Viet Nam, and has a flat topography with many rivers and springs. The rainy season is may-October, and the November weather averages high 76 F, low 66F (perfect for our trip).

Bac Ninh is an ancient trading center, with flourishing roots dating from 200-1000 A.D. It is the home to many of the Buddhist religious foundations, with many pagodas and temples in the area.
The main export is cashew nuts, followed by rice, coffee, tea and then rubber. Current religious percentages are 85% Buddhist and 8% Christian.

We will be staying in Hanoi in the Old Quarter section of town, at a hotel called the Grand Somerset Hotel. They have apartment type suite-rooms. With four of us in the room (Cindy, Jordan, baby Brian and myself) that will be needed. The hotel has good amenities, including several restaurants, a grocery shop, swimming pool, and business center.

We will do as much sight-seeing as we can while we are in Hanoi. I am looking forward to seeing Ho Chi Minh’s birthplace, the Hanoi Hilton (Hoa-Lo prison), Viet Nam museums, the puppet theatre, the opera house, red bridges, and many pagodas and temples. We’ll be posting lots of pictures!


Hoa-La prison (aka "Hanoi Hilton") Famous picture of John McCain being pulled from the lakeJordan tells people everyday, “We are going to Viet Nam to bring home my baby brother!” It will be soon - I just feel it in my Mama-bones.

Love, Reign O'er Me! (aka Showers of Blessings...)

Last Saturday two of my dearest friends, Bonnie and Regina, hosted a baby shower at my house in anticipation for the upcoming arrival of baby Brian. I am just in awe of the outpouring of love from my dear friends and fellow ‘villagers’!

Lots of folks brought their little girls, and Jordan and her dear friends had a frenzied time (in their day-after-halloween post-candied state) being little girls. Several brave volunteers watched the girls throughout the shower so the adults could sip Mimosas, catch up with old friends, and meet new friends.

The epicurean tapas were fantastic. They served bruscetta and goat cheese atop sea salt crackers, spinach/artichoke dip and queso with chips, and lots of different kinds of nuts. They provided flatbread swirls – which were provolone, club sandwich, and turkey bacon ranch spreads on flour tortilla rolls…mmm. The piece de resistance was the cake… it was as yummy in taste as it was beautiful in design and sentiment (Food and cake from Sam’s Club).

I am still in shock (pinch me!) over the presents. My gosh – it was overwhelming. Such unique and thoughtful gifts… some handmade quilts, throws, clothes, bottles and supplies, items for our trip, gifts for Jordan as the big sister, and lots of bibs. We’ll need lots of bibs and blankets! The most universal gift of all was a sincere outpouring of love that reigned over me from my friends.

I am blessed in so many ways.

Thank you to my friends here and all of you supporting me along this journey. My cup overflows.

Rain, Rain, Go Away...

It is still raining and flooding in Hanoi and south west China. They are calling this the worst natural disaster that Hanoi has ever seen. The drainage and pump stations are working well, but the river continues to rise with the daily rains. The extended forecast looks like, well, more rain and thunder storms.

There are also floods and mudslides in the bordering Yunnan Province (Jordan's birthplace).

I received acknowledged on Monday of this week from the US Embassy in Ho Chi Minh that they have received my I-600 form. I am still waiting for travel approval, and I am sure the floods will impact travel. I checked with the WHO and CDC and they are not recommending malaria medication prior to travel. However, they are on watch-alert for cholera and dengue. Isn't that just dandy?

Please pray for the people in this part of the country, and for baby Brian. We have been told that the orphanage is fine and not flooded. This situation is so threatening to this part of the world, and I cannot wait to bring one little boy home and spoil him rotten.



Floods kill at least 120 in Vietnam, China
By Ho Binh Minh Ho Binh Minh Tue Nov 4, 6:44 am ET

HANOI (Reuters) – Flood water from southern China pushed up river levels in northern Vietnam on Tuesday, worsening inundations across a wide region that have killed at least 120 people on both sides of the border.

Flooding in northern and central Vietnam since last Friday has killed 86 people, including eight children, while 34 have died from flooding and mudslides in southwestern China.

On Tuesday, more rain fell in Hanoi, which has experienced its heaviest flooding since 1984, and the authorities reported 20 deaths in the capital and surrounding area from drowning, electric shock or lightning.

Schools in Hanoi stayed closed on Tuesday and many streets remained submerged.

"This natural disaster is characterized as the largest ever in Hanoi," Pham Quang Nghi, chief of the Hanoi branch of the ruling Communist Party, was quoted by state media as saying at a meeting on Monday.

More heavy rain could strike northern Vietnam this weekend, the national weather center said.
In southwestern China's Yunnan province, mudslides caused by heavy rain killed at least 26 people, with 45 missing, Chinese state media reported. Mountain torrents triggered by heavy rain hit Guangxi to the east of Yunnan, killing eight.

Vietnam's Health Ministry alerted clinics in flood-hit areas to be staffed around the clock to prepare for any outbreaks of diseases such as cholera or dengue as residents in parts of Hanoi and 17 other provinces struggled with a shortage of fresh water and food plus power cuts.
State-run Voice of Vietnam radio said instant noodles and rice were distributed to flood victims in and around Hanoi on Monday.

More water arrived in the northern province of Lao Cai from China, raising Vietnam's Red River, the radio station said on Tuesday. Forecasters said Thai Binh river in the northern delta region was also rising.

(Editing by Sanjeev Miglani)

Things People Say to Adoptive Parents - Part Deux

I've received a lot of feedback and input to my earlier post. I just had to share some of these addiitonal comments and questions my friends have had said to them. Hilarious!

* Since she's Chinese, she'll be so smart!
* (in a whisper) "Does she know she's adopted?" (asked somewhere between 12-18 months years old)
* Has she had a hard time learning English?
* One of my friends, Jayne, had someone ask her if 'that' was her grandson. She told them, "I'm the mom and she's a girl".
*One friend was asked whether she needed to keep her little Chinese girl away from the dog ("They eat dog, you know!)

Lastly, my friend Ruth passed this on to me:

Definition

Natural Child: Any child that is not artificial
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary
Your own child: Any child who is not someone else's child
Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.

Written by: Rita Laws PhD

Hanoi Floods

I am keeping a close watch on the weather for our travel. Just to be safe, I'll check in with the CDC on additional shots we might need ... malaria from skeeters, etc. As Gilda Radnor said, "It's always something!"

Hanoi suffers as Vietnam flood toll rises to 55

AFP - Monday, November 3
HANOI (AFP) - - Floods have killed 55 people in northern and central Vietnam including 18 in the capital Hanoi, which has been hit by the worst flooding in almost 25 years, emergency services said Monday.
Victims have drowned, been struck by falling trees and collapsing buildings or been electrocuted by live power lines, said the National Flood and Storm Prevention Committee.
Rains have lashed central Vietnam for more than a week and left many Hanoi neighbourhoods inundated in muddy waters since Friday, with thousands of residents trapped inside waterlogged homes, many without electricity.
Hanoi families with young children were using canoes and barges made from oil drums, packaging, bathtubs and banana trees to evacuate their television sets, furniture and other valued possessions.
The severe weather has brought widespread traffic chaos, damaged tens of thousands of homes, destroyed rice fields and threatened dyke systems along the Red River and other waterways.
A dyke broke in Ninh Binh province, a scenic limestone karst region south of Hanoi, on Sunday, killing one of 600 troops deployed for disaster relief there and inundating 10,000 homes near the Hoang Long river, officials said.
"We have been hit by historic floods this year, the worst in decades," provincial People's Committee official Tran Van Ha told AFP. "Farmers' lives have been turned upside down... The roads here have turned into rivers.
"The situation has become especially difficult for old people and children, and we fear we will face a serious epidemic when the flood waters recede."
Among the latest fatalities were eight deaths in Nghe An province, where five children and an old man drowned in floods and two men were electrocuted when they tried to repair the electric system in their flooded home.
In Hanoi, prices for meat and other food have multiplied since the disaster closed many farms, roads and markets. Petrol prices and repair costs for water-damaged motorcycles have also shot up, raising anger over price-gouging.
Television reports have shown people catching fish with nets and rods in city streets under more than one metre (three feet) of dirty water.
Hanoi has been battered by the heaviest rains since 1984, and some outlying areas of the city including southwestern Ha Dong have been cut off for days.
Schools across the capital remained closed Monday, while hospitals reported being crowded by parents with children suffering fevers and chills.
"More children have been admitted since the weekend here, especially children under two years old with diarrhoea and respiratory diseases," Nguyen Thi Lien of Hanoi's Central Paediatric Hospital told AFP.
Vietnam's north-south transport links, including Highway 1 and the national railway line, were severed in many areas.
No immediate relief was in sight amid sporadic rainfalls in the north, said Bui Minh Tang, director of the Meteorological Forecasting Centre.
"The rains could continue for two more days in the north, and some areas of Hanoi could be still by flooded until the end of this week," he told AFP.
"We are already at the end of the normal rainy season, and it is very unusual that the rains have been so heavy and lasted so long this year."
Vietnam, a country of 86 million, gets lashed by typhoons and tropical storms every year, mostly along the central coast.
Copyright © 2008 Yahoo! Southeast Asia Pte Ltd. (Co. Reg. No. 199700735D). All Rights Reserved.
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20081103/tap-vietnam-weather-floods-8569f9c.html?printer=1

In the count down...

I am currently on Day 6 of waiting for my I-600 Acknowledgement and hopefully receiving Travel Approval. The wait can take as long as 60 days, but it has been averaging 8-14 days. So, I am hopeful I will receive final approval this week and be in Hanoi next week or the week after.

We received our Viet Nam Visas for travel and our passports back from the Viet Nam Embassy in Washington DC. The stamps and insert for Viet Nam in our passports are really cool. With both the Chinese and VN visas; it just seems rather adventurous to have approvals for travel to/from Socialist Republics. (I just love Robert Ludlum novels.)

Last week I received a packet called “Referral Documents” from Viet Nam. It was a package of about 10 documents outlining how baby Brian came to be at the orphanage. It describes that on April 20, 2008 at 8pm, one of the “deaf and dumb children” found a baby at the orphanage gate. They took the baby to the security guard on duty who immediately ran to the gate to see if he could see anyone there. He did not see anyone. He called the Orphanage Manager and she came to the security room and they both called the police together. The police came out to the orphanage and processed the paperwork of the abandonment. The child was then relinquished to the orphanage.

They determined that the boy was approximately 2-3 days old at this time, because his navel was not dried.

He was wrapped outside with a green cotton diaper, wearing a green-flowered white newborn shirt inside and a white newborn hat.

They assigned him a name – basically calling his last name the same last name as the Director of the orphanage. I don’t know where his first and middle name came from. (I am still not allowed to release his Vietnamese name or his pictures until after the adoption is completed in Viet Nam).

In Viet Nam documents and language they call the orphanage “The Social Welfare Beneficiaries Nourishing Center”.

An announcement was completed within the next several days and placed in the newspaper and on television for a period of time seeking the parents or guardians of this baby boy. No one came forward, and the child was permanently relinquished to the center. A birth certificate was given to him.

The next set of documents show the child’s status being changed into “available for adoption” and then on October 20, assigned to me – and all of my personal information formally being connected with this baby.

I hope to learn more when we are in Viet Nam and hope to find the deaf child and security guard who found baby Brian. (I need to refresh my sign language skills asap!)

Things People Say to Adoptive Parents

Before bringing Jordan home from China I was forewarned that people would say funny and/or sometimes rude or surprising comments to us.

I have been flabbergasted. I’ve never been angry at their comments, as I know they (usually) mean well and don’t know “how” to ask certain things. Some adoptive parents get extremely upset with certain statements. Not me. I learned from Dear Abby over the last 4 decades that there is always the opportunity to respond, “MYOB” when necessary.

However, I receive an unbelievable volume of head-scratchers. Some of the comments are just hilarious. This phenomenon is also true for my friends in the Chinese adoption community.

Jordan and I have a large circle (village, if you’ll pardon the term) of friends we have met from our local ‘Chinese adoption community’. The children are girls from China with good ole U.S. of A. born parents. Many of the girls are also from a single mom family like Jordan. They pretty much all live within 5 miles of our house. Our lives are enriched regularly with the many play groups, Kindermusik, football parties, Olympics watching events, birthdays and playground experiences shared by all the girls.

So, I gathered their input and thought I’d share some of these honest-to-goodness conversation starters. I am sure with a multi-cultural family of US/China/Viet Nam – the questions (and hopefully answers) will become even stranger in the months to come! If you have some suggestions for snappy “Here’s your sign” comebacks for me, I welcome your input!

1) Who is her real mother?

(Hmmm. Well, the US government and China both agree that I am.)

2) Is she yours?

(So far she is, but she isn’t a teenager yet).

3) Is that your grand-daughter?

(Nope. She is my daughter, I just look really old for my age.)

4) Are you the nanny?

(Among many other roles, yes.)

5) Does she speak Chinese?

(Hmm. Well, she is (was) just 10 months old, so she doesn’t speak anything yet.)

6) If you don’t know Chinese, when she starts talking, who will understand her?

(I still don’t know how to answer this one, and I have been asked it several times!)

7) Is her father Chinese?

(She doesn’t have a father. I am not married.)

8) What a kind and generous thing you did by adopting her!

(Well, that’s sweet that you think I am such an angel. However, the reason I adopted Jordan is because I wanted a child. So, now that I’ve said this, you think I’m a selfish pig, don’t you?)

9) Are you going to tell her that she is adopted?

(Well, I don’t want anyone else telling her. We look so much alike. If I wasn’t going to tell her, why should I tell you?)

10) Aren’t you afraid that she will inherit some of her real parent’s less desirable traits?

(No. Aren’t you afraid yours has? Hehe)

11) She’s so lucky.

I am so much more the lucky one and I thank the Lord many times a day!

12) How much did you pay for her?

(The tally just keeps going up everyday! is that how it is with your kids too?)